I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.
I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.
These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to actively stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.
As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.
I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?
Yep. Each time you perform the same action, say the same words, think the same thoughts the connection of the neural pathways responsible for those things are strengthened. It is why depression and anxiety and other mental issues are so hard to reverse. It is possible though. I urge anyone who thinks they have depression to look up a book called “The Upward Spiral.” It is co-written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist and was really eye opening for me on the inner workings of the brain when it comes to depression and anxiety and has helped me at least start on a path to making myself better.