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I mean in his defense… This is an onion article after all. It’s only mostly believable.

I usually just respond “I’m a sustainer”.

I’m too seen here. Time to hide.

Du

Better than jagged carpet at your bedside.

Cold, Jack.

Remember kids, if a person asks “What would you do if I asked you out?” – that person is asking you out.

And 6.1% of the worlds land mass..

As I’ve said before, G&T when you’re young means MANY G&T’s when you’re older.

Ha! “Consultant / Technology Manager” – pretty sure he’s just working on the next buzzword buffet to justify his bloated comp package.

Oh well, gives me an excuse to link this Weird Al song that makes far more sense.

Well if you happen to remake Mail Order Monsters, I’ll buy it!

Them’s freedumb younuts to the laikes a you…

Don’t worry, every month we pay $1k for the pleasure of paying retail price on prescriptions until we hit our deductible. Only 9k to go!

I’m not religious in any sense of the word, but if Jesus Christ is telling me to go to the casino, we’re going to the fucking casino!

Loaves and fishes bitches!

You telling me NoHo Hank had it right all along??

What, are you my 7 year old?

Fellow freelancer, I see.

Commence high pitched screeching

Please, for the love of Thor explain Ohio to me. X’er lost AF.