If you want a real answer, it’s like living with a roommate 100% of the time, with all the positives and negatives that come with having a roommate 100% of the time.

Don’t believe in all the lovey-dovey stuff that you see in media. That’s just attraction, not love. In some ways it’s similar to war - media always glamorize the emotional aspect of war, while completely skipping over the fact that wars are won through robust logistics networks. Love is similar in that in real life, any physical attraction takes a backstage to the fundamental requirement that everyone needs to be on the same page about basically everything.

In that respect, it is a lot of communication, and oftentimes it requires a bit too much communication than you are willing to provide. It definitely takes a lot of effort to establish and maintain robust communication with your significant other, especially if you are not used to doing so. But as long as you continue to do so, you basically get a close friend who is always there to help with what you might need

What is your goal with these posts man? You don’t want help, in fact you seem to react very aggressively at the mere idea, so why the fuck are you posting this? To torture yourself? To clap yourself on the back because, while you might be a fucking mess, at least you’re self-aware?

To answer your question, it’s nice being in a loving relationship, in no small part because it necessitates loving yourself and accepting you are worthy of love. A healthy relationship cannot exist without self-love.

I really hope you eventually seek out therapy, you obviously have a lot of hate for yourself and you deserve better. Everyone does.

Now to wait for OP to berate me for daring to offer advice and empathy! Sorry, not sorry! 😊 If you don’t want help, can you please at least stop spamming these super negative, useless posts? If you’re so insistent to stay in this mindset in which you are clearly unhappy, at least have the decency to buy a journal or something instead of posting when you are openly hostile to anyone who tries to be nice to you. Sorry if my tone is a bit rude throughout the message, but fuck I can’t help but feel you’d just automatically reject anyone sending any kindness your way.

You need a huge attitude adjustment, bud.

I’m not going to address your question, but I will say I married at 23, divorced at 30, and married again at 37. And I’ll tell you I didn’t know what real love was until I married my second wife. I have 5 kids now (3 step) and while life is far from perfect, I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got.

I can also tell you that your projection of your own lack of self esteem is incredibly unattractive. Learn to love and enjoy yourself and the rest might follow, but until then I can tell you that the way you talk about yourself presents a person that would be very difficult to enjoy being in a relationship with. Your defeatist attitude just sucks any kind of positive energy out of the conversation. You don’t have to change that and there is no guarantee of reward if you do, but you should probably acknowledge that you are in fact choosing to be far less inviting than you could.

How do you define “a loving relationship”? Do you only want answers from people who are happy with their relationships 100% of the time?

It’s the best feeling ever.

Like shooting heroin when you’re peaking on MDMA.

My most loving relationship is between myself and my parents. I’ve had partners, I have a really close friend that I also sleep with who I would die for, but when I’m having an anxiety attack late at night, closing my eyes and remembering that I have two parents who would still die for me is what helps the most

I’d describe it as sort of 3 layers. The first is practical/everyday things, which are mostly much nicer than being alone, but require attentiveness and communication (learn what your SO doesn’t like doing, and do it. Learn what things are work together projects, and what things are stay out of my way type things for each of you, probably other aspects too) - but once you know how to take care of each other, almost everything is less work, takes less time, and costs less money. Cooking, laundry, cleaning, gardening, repairing things, painting the house are all improved. Decorating and having guests over are harder, at least for me. You have to not fall into the trap of taking the things they do for granted, even when those things are routine.

The second layer I’d describe is lust/romance, which is sort of easier, except that you must avoid letting things coast too long. You have to dedicate time and effort to discovering new things about each other, and new things you enjoy together. You should still be dating, no matter how long it’s been, and ideally you should both be planning things most of the time. In my relationship, this is usually 1-2 things per month, each.

The final layer is the emotional/support layer. Almost any time, my wife can seek comfort and support from me in a variety of ways for all kinds of things, and I get the same from her. All the big problems in life are easier when you can share them, so here the benefits are huge. This is the only thing I got basically none of from having roommates or a best friend, or dating. For my situation, there’s basically no downside to this.

It’s been great honestly. I’ve got two boyfriends I love very much. While it’s not all sunshine and roses all the time, they’re the only people in my life who I feel like truly have my back, and I have theirs. Of course that’s not something that’s unique or inherent to romance, you could have the same thing with friends, family, etc. Just worked out that way for me.